You know what makes you feel really good? Well ok, makes me feel really good? When the curmudgeon at the post office compliments your hand written addresses and asks if you “had someone do them for you?”  Thank you, curmudgeon lady.  This means a lot coming from someone like you–an address expert and all–and no, I did them myself.

What my new curmudgeon friend does not know about this impressive lettering, is that I completely faked it. Well ok, I didn’t completely fake it , it is hand written after all.  But I have succeeded in pretending to write calligraphy with a fancy pants pen, when all I really used is a fine-tipped marker.  Faking calligraphy is so easy that I’ve been doing it for years without really realizing that’s what I was doing.  It’s a way take hand-writing up a notch, to make it look fancy, and sophisticated, and intelligent.  See? Even a quote from Drumpf looks elegant (just kidding, calligraphy doesn’t fix stupidity).

words, in calligraphy

write words, the best words

This technique requires no special pen and anyone can do it, so long as you are capable of writing legibly. Don’t believe me? Follow along on my template, found here.  The first step is to write out your phrase in cursive letters.  Letters should be fairly far apart and don’t need to connect at this point; this will give us room to thicken some of the lines. Don’t remember back to those 3rd grade cursive lessons? That’s fine, use block letters. Print won’t connect to each other as well as their cursive counterparts but will still look like they were written all fancy-like. I do take my time in this step to write deliberately for the best shaped lettering.Fake calligraphy

Now that you have the letters on paper, we’re going to add some weight for the calligraphy look.  Return to each letter with your pen to thicken every downstroke.  That means you make every line that you drew in the downward direction at least twice as thick as it was.  To give you an idea of downstrokes, I’ve marked each one here.

faking calligraphyThis thickness variability is going to give the impression of using the broad side of a calligraphy pen.  Thickness will depend on how much room you have between each letter, the size of your letters, and the weight of your line in general. The last step is to connect your letters, cross your T’s and add any flourishes.  It may take some practice to get those smooth lines down, and to figure out what your font should look like.  But someday, a curmudgeon post office lady is going to compliment you, and it will make all those Drumpf practice quotes totally worth it.